On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City
TO the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits or proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITILE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand. the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time,and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it. It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man. Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body, and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body. and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned out all the lights, she should lie quickly upon the bed and await her groom When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her lacivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no father than the waist and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he's huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.
A century later...
10 December 97
IT wasn't much of a honeymoon for a Wisconsin man. Get married--leave town with bride--stop for drinks--argue--and nearly get run over by bride.
After getting married, Manuel and Kimberly Borrego hit the highway, but stopped for drinks in Racine, Wisconsin. Back in the car, they argued over how loud the radio should be.
Police say Mrs. Borrego began beating her husband as he drove. He stopped the car and got out. Mrs. Borrego then got behind the wheel and chased her husband with the car.
Mrs. Borrego spent her wedding night in jail, charged with reckless endangerment of her husband--and probably her marriage.
Prohibits making a crime of breast-feeding in public. Requires that breast-feeding mother be allowed to remain in public place if she meets specified conditions.
A Bill for an Act:
relating to breast-feeding mothers:
be it enacted by the people of the state of Oregon
section 1. It shall not constitute a crime for a woman to breast-feed her baby in a public place
section 2. No person shall request that a woman who is breast-feeding her baby leave a public place or cause the removal of such a woman from a public place if the woman:
(a) is breast-feeding the baby in the most private place available
in the immediate vicinity or in the place a reasonable person would
believe is the most private place available in the immediate vicinity;
(b) takes all reasonable steps to shield her breasts from public view.
"JOSE MANUEL MIGUEL XAVIER GONZALES, in a few short weeks it will be Spring. The snows of Winter will flee away, the ice will vanish, and the air will become soft and balmy. In short, JOSE MANUEL MIGUEL XAVIER GONZALES, the annual miracle of the years will awaken and come to pass, but you won't be there."
"The rivulet will run it's roaring course to the sea, the timid desert flowers will put forth their tender shoots, the glorious valleys of this imperial domain will blossom as the rose. Still, you won't be here to see."
"From every treetop some wild woods songster will carol his mating song, butterfiles will sport in the sunshine, the busy bee will hum happily as it pursues it's accustomed vocation. The gentle breeze will tease the tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature, JOSE MANUEL MIGUEL XAVIER GONZALES, will be glad, but you. You won't be here to enjoy it because I command the sheriff or some other officers of the country to lead you out to some remote spot, swing you by the neck from a knotting bough of some sturdy oak, and let you hang until you are dead."
"And then, JOSE MANUEL MIGUEL XAVIER GONZALES, I further command that such officer or officers retire quickly from your dangling corpse, that vultures may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body until nothing shall remain but bare, bleached bones of a cold-blooded, copper-colored, blood-thirsty, throat-cutting, chili-eating, sheep-herding, murdering son-of-a-bitch."
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA vs. GONZALES (1881)
UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT,
NEW MEXICO TERRITORY SESSIONS
LONDON--A company that insured the Heaven's Gate cult against abduction, impregnation, or attack by aliens said Wednesday that it has stopped offering that policy in the wake of the 39 cult members' suicide.
While those policies will not be renewed, the company still offers other unusual policies, which account for about 10% of business.
"We insure virgins against immaculate conception; prostitutes against loss of earnings from headache or backache; conversion to a werewolf or vampire; death or serious injury through paranormal activity; and unfaithful husbands against Bobbitting," said Simon Burgess, managing director of the brokerage Goodfellow Rebecca Ingrams Pearson.
The Heaven's Gate cult learned of the company on the Internet, then bought a $1,000 policy on Oct. 10. It covered up to 50 members and would pay $1 million per person for abduction, impregnation, or death caused by aliens.
Their policy beneficiary was the Society of Heaven's Gate. The cult paid the premium and the policy remains in force until Oct. 9, but collecting is another issue. "They would have to prove that they were abducted," Burgess said.
"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public
---General William Westmoreland